


Would you try it once? Give up the machine gun

by accioepiphany



Category: Sex Education (TV)
Genre: Drama & Romance, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 21:12:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17568017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accioepiphany/pseuds/accioepiphany
Summary: Adam returns without warning after some time has passed and Eric decides to confront him to get some closure on what went on between them.





	Would you try it once? Give up the machine gun

The rain tapped hard on the window waking him up before the alarm had any chance of ringing. Eric saw through the curtains the darkness of winter, the dread of having to get up to go to school again settling in him. The first day has never been his favorite, even less with a climate like this, it just carried so many false expectations of new exciting things that never really came, with time he had become more and more conscious of it, more used to the same old thing. Still, the first day it weighed on him, he'll get over it the next day, but for today things didn't look as bright.

He arrived alone, feeling discouraged, Otis promising he will be there after he had dealt with some stuff first. It's just the feeling of being cold and wet, Eric thought, as he removed his wet poncho and put it in a bag in his locker while he fixed his look the best way possible despite the conditions. Just as he finally managed to gain some feeling in his toes, as the heat in the school settled in, he felt a sudden silence go through the halls, followed by a bunch of whispers and gossip exchange. As he turned he noticed the source of this: Adam was reclining on the wall exactly behind, staring at him in his usual outfit, as if time hadn't passed by during his absence. Eric’s heart started beating furiously, part shock, part excitement, part fear cause he has been in this situation before and Adam staring straight at him at the lockers usually didn't have a happy ending. Still, Eric couldn't help but wonder, what was he doing here, why was he staring at him this way but also could this mean something he has wished for so long in the aftermath of Adam's abrupt disappearance from Eric's life. Adam just left so abruptly, so many things opened and exposed between them... those were the exact words that Otis’ mother had used when he went for advice for “a friend of a friend”, she had mentioned that if his "friend" couldn’t find a way of giving closure to the whole business, it was best that he just forgot altogether about it. Eric understood her point but it broke his heart nevertheless. Now, as he thought he way passed the whole thing, Adam was standing again in front of him, staring, and then instead of walking menacingly towards him, turning around to exit the school, not without giving him a last look before crossing the door, an invitation behind. Damn, he might still need that closure, he knew waking up to this mess of a climate wasn't a good sign. So he followed Adam through the exit as the rest of the students quickly forgot about the whole business and went to their classes instead.

Outside, the rain had subsided but the coldness and the grey sky remained. Eric closed his jacket and searched for Adam that was nowhere to be found, except for some smoke that was coming from a hidden corner. Eric made his way there and discovered Adam laying on a wall as he took a drag of his cigarette and stared absentmindedly at the grim landscape in front of him. As he got close to Adam he decided to save some space between them just in case Adam didn't exactly want to catch up but rather return to his bully days.

"Hi" Adam stopped focusing on the horizon and turned to Eric while putting out his cigarette, acknowledging his presence. The look on his face though wasn't what Eric was expecting, it was weird actually, cause Adam looked sad, almost resigned to be back, and this just made Eric confused, his previous query resounding in the back of his head even more loudly now, _what is he doing here?_  “So, you’re just back? For real?”

“What does it look like?”

Ok, so it was back to the hate and aggression then. Eric didn't have time for that.

“Look. I don’t know what went on with you over there. I didn’t even know you were leaving. You were just... gone, no real goodbyes, no closure, no nothing! I deserve at least that if we are going back to you shoving me on lockers”

“Closure? Have you been talking to the new kid’s mom?”

“What? How do you kn-?”

“Doesn’t matter, that stuff is for when things are over and shit”

“Well and what do you want me to make of this? Huh? You were gone for an entire term! Just after you have decided to go from eating my lunch to devouring my dick!”

His own words shocked Eric for a moment, as he remembered it was Adam he was talking to. He couldn't just throw this at him and not expect to be dead afterward. So he took a step backward, terrified, as Adam stared back and chose to take advantage of this.

“You just haven’t been able to stop thinking about it right, Tromboner? It was probably your first time as well, wasn't it?”

Now this was just another level of bullshit as if this type of experience wasn't also Adam's first. Eric started to get angry, he just couldn't understand why he was losing his time with Adam, now or ever, he just thought… something about that moment they shared in detention was so tender, a whole different face of Adam, he has hoped to explore it more. But here it was, the harsh truth, the ugly face was all there really was.

“You are such an asshole... still.” And having said this, Eric turned away as fast as possible to walk away, when a hand gripped at his. Scared at first, he returned and saw a familiar face he recognized from the last time he saw Adam. Contrary to what he thought might come after calling Adam an asshole again, the look Adam was giving him wasn't a threat or a sign that he was going to get beaten, but in this touch more like a caress and this stare there was something desperate about Adam, not like he wanted Eric to stay, more like he just wanted to look at him again, one last time. Eric's anger dissolved and got replaced by worry, so he decided to stay, took a deep breath and didn’t let go of Adam's hand, but reassured his own grip and then asked, “Why did you return?”, so soft that he wasn't sure he muttered it at all.

“I just asked to come back. And my dad let me”

But Eric could see the bullshit through Adam's eyes as they started to water and he turned away fighting these tears. So he pressed, trying to stay kind.

“Something happened”

At this Adam couldn’t hold it anymore and one tear escaped him. He shoved it away quite fast, because he didn’t want Eric to see him like this: weak, vulnerable and pathetic, while Eric was the opposite: brave, bold, brilliant. Eric goes through his life wearing bright colors and his sexuality like a badge of honor, giving looks of pity and almost empathy to the guy who has made his school life miserable for so long, and instead Adam just says stupid hurtful things and cries about his own weakness.

“You are just too nice for me” Adam concluded as he lowered his gaze, ashamed.

“What? No I'm not”

“You are here holding my hand and watching me cry, being pathetic, and instead of using that against me, as revenge for all the mess I have put you through, you are actually just comforting and nice and-”

“Adam. Is fine, you can just-”

“I am an asshole. I don’t even know why I asked to be back...”

Though the truth is he didn’t, but Eric doesn't need to know this. To know how lonely and insignificant he felt over there. How the days went by, and his life seemed so meaningless that taking it away looked like nothing, like drinking the bleach was just the right choice to get away from everything and everyone. Even though Adam didn't mention any of this, Eric seemed to register something in his expressions cause he squeezes his hand and speaks straight to his face.

“You don’t have to tell me the _why_ or _what,_ but you can cry if you want, sometimes is best to just... let go.”

“No”

“Adam”

“NO” But then the tears flow altogether and Eric grabs him in his arms even as Adam fights him at first and tries to push him away. But as Eric strengthens his hold, Adam just breaks down under his warm and cries and cries... all the weight of his decisions and his hate evaporating and he is almost glad he is still alive just so he can feel Eric's body next to his, another heart beating as loud as his. After he has calmed down a bit Adam notices Eric's shirt is all wet from his tears. “I have ruined your shirt” But Eric sees the wet spot and dismisses it almost immediately.

“Oh, doesn’t matter. makes it shinier, the colors pop more”

“No it doesn’t, is fucked”

“It's fine, water dries. Don’t worry”

“But is not. I shouldn’t have”

“Adam. Don't-“

“Let me apologize!” Adam almost screams, which seems to get Eric's attention so he keeps quiet, as Adam continues in a more contained way, “I'm sorry. For your shirt and for you having to see me like this and for… everything else”

“Ok”

“Ok?”

“Okay. I- I don’t know what you want me to say. You don’t have to apologize, honestly”

“I do. Is not fair. I haven’t been fair… to you… I've just caused you pain, all the time”

“I wouldn't say _all_ the time, cause there was that one occasion in which you gave me the best blow job of my life so…”

“Shut up”, but a smile is sneaking from the corner of Adam's mouth, “just accept my apology”

“Fine. You are forgiven. Just. Maybe, don’t do it again? You know, no more shoves on the lockers and goes at my lunch? Maybe?”

Adam stares at him for a second, seeming baffled, and then he just nods and slides the hand that was holding Eric's up his arm, softly until it comes to rest on Eric's back, making small circles, so smooth Eric thinks he might fall asleep at that moment. It surprises him how Adam can go from 1 to a 100 in one second, how he can yell and push with all his determination, but he can also use that energy to give the most gentle caresses, the simplest touches that just send him to heaven.

“Are you feeling better?” Eric asks, but instead of an answer Adam just brings him closer, taking hold of his other arm, softly, though this doesn’t feel like a hug. Adam’s eyes travel from Eric's gaze to his lips and back up, a thousand words trapped in that approach. Eric hesitates for a second, he isn't sure of what Adam wants and doesn’t want to risk it, Adam is sometimes so indecipherable, it's hard to read where this is going. Adam, on the other hand, seems to be resolved and he gets closer to him and his lips, finally kissing him. They go slow, just like the first time. It seems like time freezes and they can actually spend a century exploring their mouths, and so does Adam, who as soon as Eric opens his mouth, adventures inside, ever so gently, careful, compensating for all his previous harsh approaches. Eric puts his hands in Adam and slides them until they reach his hips, trying to go underneath his shirt. Adam shivers but doesn’t back down, he actually presses closer to Eric's growing erection and smiles at this realization because he feels the exact same way, and is reassuring to confirm that he can still care and feel desire, he can feel as excited as someone else is for him. Even after everything.

They make out for a while and Adam's tears are completely forgotten among this strong feeling of presence in the world. Even his erection goes away as the situation swifts to something else for Adam and he just feels the moment he is in, one that involves him and Eric just... together. Adam can’t remember why he once thought that being dead was better than this, than making someone as happy as Eric seems to be in his embrace. He gets apart from Eric to stare at him for a second and Eric gives him a smile as he finds his hand and squeezes it. _“It’s all okay”_  is what Eric's eyes tell him, silently, secretly, and so Adam allows himself to smile fully for the first time in what seems like an eternity. Eric seems to appreciate this gesture cause he caresses his hand with his thumb and smiles wider.

“I think I’m gonna need a tutor. My dad did make a point in grades being good for keeping me here”

“We can arrange that. Some study sessions in between some other things... Cause motivation is key, you know?” Adam just quirks his lips slightly and tries to ignore the turmoil in his chest forming at the prospects of his future plans, something he hasn’t even consider before… a future… a life. “I guess we should get inside if you want to start fresh.”

“Yeah” But then Eric stares down at his crotch and Adam notices his boner is still there.

“Maybe let's just wait for a while, though. Wouldn’t want to go back to Tromboner just as I'm finally getting over it” Adam laughs a little at this, but then seriously says.

“I can take care of that in no time”

“Um thank you for the offer, that will certainly keep me distracted for the rest of the day, but umm, I don’t know how I feel about public displays of sex in the school and in this cold... so... mmm It will go away in no time, don’t worry”

“Okay” Adam concludes as he pops another cigarette and smokes quietly until Eric feels he is ready to get inside and offers him his hand. Adam takes it for a while to gain strength and start moving, but once they get close to the doors he lets go, and as they cross the threshold he can read Eric's fear in his eyes as they walk in silence through the halls, a question lingering in his mind that he can't or rather doesn't want to ask because of what the answer might be. Adam might not be ready to go all the way with him, especially not inside the school, not yet. But after their talk, he knows that there will be time, time to hang out, to engage, to tell Eric what went on military school, why he really returned, but not now. Still, he understands Eric needs reassurance that this will happen, so as he gets close to his classroom, he grabs Eric's arm to a corner and whispers as they stand there, so close.

“See you when school is over?” He tries to sound as gentler as he can, even sneaking a small smile to don’t be intimidating.

“I’ll like that”

“Good” And he heads to Chemistry, while Eric goes his own way.

As Adam enters the classroom, way too late but with no reprimand at all, probably because of a warning from his father to the staff, he actually greets the teacher and sits down taking out his notebook and remembering he forgot his pen again as he palms his pockets on the hope of a miracle. Is then that he discovers in one of them a familiar pen, colorful as its owner. He is not sure when Eric slipped it in, but he can’t help to smile. He gets a new beginning, and he is not going to waste it.

**Author's Note:**

> This was born from MY need of closure or resolution for this opened plot between Eric and Adam and the fact that who knows when the second season is coming? So here ya go, hope it helps y'all too, so the wait is less crappy.  
> Also, the title is based on Sara Bareille's song Machine Gun which also has this wonderful verses that I thought I should share as they are so appropriate for the fic and Adam, so here they are:
> 
> Don't just hide in the silence behind  
> What you've really been trying to say  
> What a skill, baby, aiming to kill me  
> With words you don't mean.
> 
> PS: The song is also great! If I ever get around creating a playlist for these two, this one is definitely going in.


End file.
